Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she smelled like a LAN party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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