he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
