quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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