I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
