Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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