I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
