Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
