Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
