Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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