The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.