it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend