Are we in a gay sports bar?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.