I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dating After Heartbreak
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF