I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.