Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.