Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans