Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
