how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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