I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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