dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
