tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
