is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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