the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
