i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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