that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
