Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
