So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
