I love black thongs
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
