In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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