If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
