I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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