Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
