I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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