I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
