my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
