we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
