I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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