thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
