I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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