I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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