i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
