dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
