My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
