listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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