I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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