He felt like a one man threesome
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
