There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
