capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
