I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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