Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
