I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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