I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
