I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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