Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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