I wish I could teleport
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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