my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
