i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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