Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
