My friends, they love my intelligence
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
