So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
