You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
