He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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