just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
