You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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