Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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