I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
