True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we're so committed to being not committed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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