Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
