Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
