elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
