hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
