She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
