Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
