The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ttyl tear gas
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
