She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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