yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
