oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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