new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
