I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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