everyone is single if you try hard enough
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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