Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
